Call of the Siren
by Sorcha Cullen
Summary: Edward is in love with a woman that isn’t good for him. Some might think he chose this life, but what if he hadn’t? Higher powers could be at play, drawing him in, making him unable to ignore the call of the Siren.


**The Black Balloon Contest**

**Title: "Call of the Siren"**

**Your pen name: AngelStardust**

**Characters: Edward/ Bella**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any characters Stephenie Meyer created. I just enjoy putting them in new situations.**

ALSO it must be noted: this o/s was not accepted into the contest as i wasn't able to send it in before the deadline. but it was written specifically for that contest.

**::****WARNING****::**

Please do not read if you are under 18, or are offended by language, and acts of sex. this fic is highly angsty, confusing and can be angering.

**A/N:**

This story came to me through the vehicle of 3 songs by Nine Inch Nails. They were perfectly angsty, angry, sad, and accepting of pain... Everything that this fic needed... The opening verse of "Ringfinger" (found in the middle of this fic) was the original inspiration. Here is the playlist:

.com/playlist/19604649739

Thank you to my many friends: Jen, glasscannonlj, jezunya, symphiann, and twizzlers for the encouragement and help throughout the writing of this fic. I love you all.

The bulk of my admiration and thanks goes to my amazing beta xrxdanixrx, though, for betaing my fic during a tough time. i love you so much!!! I definitely owe you big time.

Also: follow me on Twitter for updates, randomness and just me. I don't bite, I'd love to meet my readers!!! /Sorcha_Cullen

* * *

"_I'm just caught up in another of her spells.  
she's turning me into someone else.  
everyday I hope and pray this will end.  
but when I can I do it all again"_

"_Sanctified" - Nine Inch Nails_

The sound of the door slamming reverberated through the hallway as I ran away from it all.

From _her._

As the familiar wave of déjà vu washed over me, I slammed myself into the wall at the end of the hall and slid to the floor, crying. What a pathetic waste of flesh I was. I was exactly what she said I was.

_"A pathetic excuse of a man."_

I couldn't handle it any more. At least not today. I just wondered why I wasn't enough for her. Why she felt the need to whore herself out, when I gave her everything?

But that wasn't even the big issue for me.

I just wanted her to marry me. I wanted her to be safe and taken care of, and that's what I had to offer her. Companionship, a home, food on the table, protection, and creature comforts.

Love.

I loved her with every fiber of my being, though I didn't know why. She ate away at me until I was half the man I used to be, what I could be. But I remembered the day I met her, clear as day.

**Five Years Earlier**

"Excuse me, Sir?" A beautiful, lilting voice brought me to my senses, and I looked up into the most intoxicating brown eyes I'd ever encountered. I'd been staring off into space for probably the last half hour, trying to get some studying done before the campus library closed.

"Yeah?"

"I noticed you were studying _Intro to Criminal Justice_ and wondered if I could join you?" She looked almost nervous.

"Uhh, sure, do you go to UDub?" I tried to stifle a yawn. I'd been here since I'd gotten off work.

She sat down opposite me and pulled out her C.J. book. "Yeah, I just transferred from the community college over in Port Angeles."

"Huh." Was all I could muster up to say. I was supposed to be writing a paper on my stance about letting prisoners reenter the community after their sentence was up. Pretty much a no-brainer, depending on why they were even in prison. I was halfway done, but I was exhausted.

"Who's class are you in?" she asked.

"Mulligan's . You?"

"Same. Tuesday and Thursday from ten till noon. I swear his class will be the death of me. I don't know what to write for this paper." She slammed her laptop on the table, shocking me into a false state of wakefulness.

How had I not noticed her before? I mean, we had the same class. Granted, my Tuesdays and Thursdays were jam packed because of the days I worked. "Huh, I'm in the same class. You must sit on the other side of the room; I've never seen you before."

She laughed. "I've never seen you, either. But it's a pretty big class." She booted up her laptop and then looked back at me. "By the way, I'm Bella Swan."

"Edward Cullen," I responded, thinking how perfect her name was for her. She was beautiful, alright.

Smiling, she turned her attention back to her laptop. "What's your topic?"

"What my thoughts are about letting prisoners back into the community after their sentence is through." I ran my fingers through my hair, noting I'd need to shower when I got home.

_What are you, homeless?_

"That sounds easy enough. Maybe I'll choose the topic about the mentally ill being put in prisons." She nodded her head in a silent agreement with herself and began typing.

"Sounds like a good one." I turned back to my book and found the paragraph I was looking for. It'd only taken me an hour.

"So, do you live around here?" She asked. What was this, twenty questions? I was too tired for this.

"Yeah, I live in the apartment complex across from the dorms."

"Nice, I actually live in the dorms. I'm looking for a job so I can move into an apartment with my roommate, Alice." She frowned. "You have a job?"

"Uh-huh. I work at the Distribution Center. Pay's good, but its tough work." Which reminded me of how tired I was after working a ten hour shift today. She nodded her head and focused back on her laptop.

I looked at her as she typed and started noticing the little things about her, the way she'd bite her lip in concentration, how her bottom lip was slightly fuller than her top. She was beautiful, like a siren; spellbinding. The air vents kicked on and blew warm air through the room, sending a sweet floral scent across my face. There was no doubt in my mind that it came from her.

I was completely fucked; I knew she'd be the death of me, but I couldn't find the energy to care. Right then, she became my world, and I'd do everything to make her mine.

I engaged her in more conversation after that; I just had to get to know her more. I couldn't explain the need I felt. I'd never felt like this in my entire life. Unfortunately, after a half hour of learning about this creature, the library needed to close. I packed my things away and walked her to her car, glad I'd be seeing her in class the next day.

Once I was back in my apartment, I flopped on the couch with my laptop to churn out the last five pages of bullshit before my eyes closed on me.

I woke up the next morning from the most realistic dream I'd ever had. I'd been on an island, somewhere quite warm. The little house that was hidden in the foliage was breathtaking, the insides decorated in neutral colors to match the environment. But that wasn't the unusual thing about it. _She_ had been there. Bella. We were having one of the greatest sex sessions I'd ever encountered. Needless to say, I awoke with the most painful hard on known to man.

I sighed and got up to do my morning routine, adding in dealing with my current "situation" in the shower. I hoped she'd be in class today. she said she would be, but you never know. Shit happens.

Walking out into the kitchen to grab a bite before heading out for my day, I noticed Jazz wasn't up yet, which was an oddity for him.

_Strange. Oh well, I'm sure he's fine. _

Jasper Whitlock was my roommate and best friend from pre-school, as gay as that sounded. He was a Sergeant First Class in the U.S. Army, and was on leave for possibly a year. It was nice to actually spend some time with him after he'd been gone for at least four years straight. But he was good at what he did, which was why he'd been quickly promoted. He was quite young for the title, but was a natural born leader, which is why he was also a Political Science major. He'd be going far, that's for sure.

As I sat at the bar, eating my bowl of Cookie Crisp, Jazz's door whipped open and a pixie-like girl with short, spiky, brownish-black hair flitted out and headed to the door and left. She hadn't even noticed I was there.

_Well, that answers my question._

Not too long after, the man in question plodded out with that grin that said "I got laid last night."

_Figures._

I hadn't had a relationship in about five years. Not that I hadn't tried, or wanted to, I just never went out enough to meet people. I was either in class, studying, or at work. It was tough being a middle-class student.

"Hey, dude, what's goin' on? You look like you're in a daze," Jazz said as he grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl on the bar and devoured it.

"I do?" I could think of a reason why, but I'd hoped it hadn't shown.

"Yeah, you've got like this goofy grin on your face, I'd swear you'd gotten laid last night, but I know that wouldn't be the case." He snickered. It was common knowledge I hadn't.

"Shut up, dude. At least you get some on a regular basis. Military life certainly hasn't cramped your style. Meanwhile, some of us have to work to pay for school, which doesn't leave much time for a social life," I growled. I wasn't in the mood this morning.

"Hey, sorry, man. I'm just bustin' your chops. But, really, what's up?" He sat down across from me wearing a look of concern. His perceptiveness got on my nerves sometimes.

I sighed, he'd find out anyway. "Well, I met this girl last-"

"No way, dude! You finally got some?" He held up his hand for a high-five, but I didn't join in.

"No, Jazz. Now, would you let me finish?" I shot a glare at him, which wiped the look off his face, and he nodded. "I was at the library after work last night, working on my Criminal Justice paper, when this girl walked up asking if she could join me because she noticed I was working on a C.J. assignment. We found out we were in the same class, oddly enough."

"So? What's she like, huh?" His grin was fighting to creep back on his face.

"She's unreal, man. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel this pull to her. We'd only been sitting together for like five minutes and it just clicked in my head that I have to be with her. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Jazz. It's like she's a mythical creature. She's pulling me in, but I could care less. I want to be with her," I finished, running out of breath and feeling like I'd been jogging.

His grin finally won the battle and he chuckled. "Dude, that's kinda creepy. Don't go all stalkerish on me, 'kay?"

"Don't worry, dude." I glanced at the wall clock and shot up from the stool. "I'd better go, class starts in twenty. Meet me for lunch?"

"Don't I always?" He smirked.

"You're such a queer, sometimes, you know that? Oh, and you're gonna explain the pixie later, too," I called out as I grabbed my bag and dashed out of the door.

I made it to class in ten minutes, thanks to my bicycle. Running in, I grabbed my usual seat, looking around for that head of chestnut hair that flowed like molten chocolate over her perfect porcelain shoulders.

Yeah, I was fucked alright.

Someone cleared their throat behind me, making me jump at least a foot.

_Fucking pansy._

A familiar voice chuckled behind me, and I turned to find those beautiful brown eyes smiling at me. "Did I startle you? I'm sorry." She said, moving so I could see her.

"A bit, but don't worry about it." Did she want to sit with me?

_Please, please, please!_

"Would you mind if I sat with you today?" She smiled, pointing to the chair that usually remained vacant.

Trying to keep from looking like a nut job by seeming over eager, I merely said, "Not at all."

She sat down and almost immediately, her scent washed over me, intoxicating me. It was heaven and hell in one breath, because I knew I couldn't fall asleep in it every night. I hoped to soon enough.

We started talking once more, finding that we had a lot in common. We read the same books, liked the same movies and music; it was like kismet. She was the one, I could feel it.

She came from a small town on the west coast of Washington called Forks and was the daughter of a convict father and a mother from the "Love Generation." She said she was going to school so she wouldn't become like her parents: uneducated, poor, or even worse, in jail like her dad.

I could tell she was hiding something, but I wasn't about to force it out of her. After all, she wasn't the only one with a less-than-perfect family. My parents had divorced when I was eight, which tore me apart worse than anything. My parents had been the symbol of a perfect life; money, high paying jobs, status, love. They had it all, even going as far as having that stupid "white picket fence" around the front yard.

But then my father had to go and screw everything up. He'd gone and hired a friend of a friend to manage their stocks and finances, who managed to screw them out of all their money and life savings. We were forced to move into a small apartment and sell our house. Nothing had been the same after that, my mother constantly bitched at my father because the apartment ruined her status and appearance, causing them to drift apart. My father couldn't take it any longer and one day he stormed into the house after work and threw her into their room and fell into a heated argument. They divorced shortly after that.

Growing up after that had been hell. I'd lived with my mother, who constantly griped at me for being too much like my father. I didn't really see how that was a bad thing, I just worked hard for what I wanted. I never thought things should be handed to me on a silver platter, which was why I was working to pay for school.

I noticed Bella was looking at me strangely, realizing she must have said something and was waiting for a response. "Uhh, I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, I'll see you later? Class just ended, and I have to rush over to my math class…" she trailed off nervously.

I looked at the clock and saw it read ten a.m. I'd day dreamed the entire class away.

_How the hell did that happen?_

"Uh, yeah." I was unsure of what to do next. She'd started walking away, looking perplexed. "Hey, wait!" I ran up to her and lightly grabbed her arm. "Do you wanna have a study session some time? Maybe get ready for Mulligan's big test next week?"

She beamed at me, a strange glint in her eyes. "I'd love that. I'll see you Thursday, we'll plan then." And she was gone.

_Whoa._

I shook my head, clearing the fog that had descended in my brain. What had gotten into me? I was a focused, hard working, goal driven man, and I meet a girl and, suddenly, all that's shot out the window?

_What the fuck, Cullen? Get your head on straight!_

The next few classes ran normally, much to my surprise. I was able to think straight, thankfully, and take all the notes I needed. My phone started buzzing in my pocket a few minutes before class ended.

_**Hey, dude, meet me at Kanji for lunch. Got a hankerin' for Sushi. My treat.**_

I snorted. Jazz _always_ had an appetite for sushi. I couldn't complain, I loved it, too, especially when I wasn't the one buying.

_**Alright. Be there in 10.**_

I was also very anxious to find out who that mystery pixie was from this morning. Usually, he didn't bring the girls home. When I got there, I glanced around for that familiar honey colored hair.

"Edward!" Jaspers voice came from my left, and I turned to find him in a booth.

With the pixie.

_Ugh. _

"Hey, man," I greeted as I walked over to the table and sat in the empty seat across from them. "I'm Edward." I introduced myself, reaching my hand out to the woman.

She smiled knowingly and shook my hand. "Alice Brandon."

_Alice?_

That name struck a chord in me and I wondered why. And then it clicked.

"You're Bella's roommate?"

She frowned. "Yeah, how did you know?"

"I met her last night at the library and found we were in the same C.J. class." This was getting a little weird.

"Oh," was all she said, and then a huge smile erupted on her face. "Oh, this will be fantastic! Bella's needed someone in her life, lately."

"Why's that?" She'd seemed pretty independent to me, I was the one bitching about not getting any.

A multitude of emotions played across the pixie's face, clearly trying to decide what and what not to tell me. "Well, she's thrown herself into her studies a little more than is healthy, and mopes in her room when she has nothing to do."

"Hmm," was all I could think to utter. What was I supposed to say to that? It also felt like she wasn't telling me everything, but it wasn't my place to pry. "So, where did you two meet?" I asked, waving my hand between the two, changing the subject.

Jazz blushed. "Well, as a matter of fact, at the mall. I was picking out a pair of slacks when I saw this little one--ow!" She'd elbowed him in the ribs, "bouncing along through the men's racks, looking quite interested. I couldn't just ignore that kind of enthusiasm, so I asked her to dinner. The rest is history."

Alice beamed. "I'm in school to be a fashion designer, you see, and I have to keep up to date on all the styles!"

"Interesting line of work," I noted, smiling. "Well, I wish you two the best."

Just then, the waitress came up to take our order. We each ordered All You Can Eat and a pot of tea for the table. Once she'd left to give our order to the cooks, Alice turned her attention to me.

"Have you asked her out, yet?" She eyed me appraisingly.

"Actually, I have. We're gonna make plans when we're in class on Thursday." I wondered what a good place would be to take her.

"You should definitely take her somewhere low-key. She's not the kind of person to go to a fancy restaurant."

I nodded, knowing a few places that I enjoyed going to that were perfectly casual.

"How about that art bar down on Kensington. I think its name is Gryphon? I hear they have local bands play there, or they have poetry readings and shit like that with food from all over the world," Jazz suggested.

I thought for a minute. "How expensive? Remember, I'm poor, too."

Alice whipped out her blackberry and began typing. "I'll just go online and find out!" After a few seconds, she gasped. "Perfect, it's like fewer than fifteen a person! It looks great; take her there!"

"I think I will. Thank you, guys."

While we ate, I mused about what had happened over the last twenty-four hours. Not only had Jazz found someone, and seemed completely happy, but so had I. The only difference was, Bella and I hadn't gone on a date yet. What if she didn't even like me? I mean, I wasn't anything special; I worked in a warehouse; for Christ's sake. I was your basic blue collar American male trying to climb up the ladder of the American Dream. I just hoped that was enough.

Noting the time, I said my goodbyes, thanked them for the help, and headed back to campus to my next class. Since I'd been a 4.0 student in high school, I didn't have to take a lot of the freshman classes. That meant a harder workload for me because I was basically a sophomore--credit-wise.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, my teachers felt like being nice and not assigning homework. That was good because I still had some "Iliad" reading to do for my Core Humanities class. At least I'd have more time to do it. it was easy enough; I'd do it tomorrow.

Getting home around nine p.m., I was famished. I went to the fridge and pulled a few cheese slices out and laid them on the bar to get the loaf of bread from the counter. I was in the mood for something quick and easy. After I'd finished my meal, I went and flopped on my bed. the last thing I saw was Bella's face behind my eyelids.

_I was on top of the space needle, looking down at the streets, empty and dark in the early hours of the morning. A light breeze was blowing, chilled from rain that had fallen earlier, and I caught a familiar scent. Following the sweet and intoxicating fragrance, I went down the elevator and went out onto the street to continue my hunt. I knew who it was leading me to._

_Bella._

_I wanted her like an alcoholic wanted the best whiskey. _

_The trail led me around winding streets that were ever changing like a labyrinth. I was lost. I didn't even know if I was in Seattle anymore. None of that mattered, though, as long as her scent still lingered in the air. Why it was so strong, I had no idea, but I decided not to question too much. This was a dream, after all. _

_The trail led me to a small cottage on the outskirts of wherever I was, and I hesitated in front of the door. Someone, a female, was humming a haunting melody._

_**Do I knock?**_

_My question was answered as that lilting voice floated through the open window._

_"Come in, Edward. I've been waiting for you."_

_The door creaked open eerily, revealing the woman I'd been searching for. She was breathtaking. A slight breeze blew through the window, tossing her auburn locks around her head like a halo. Her skin seemed as if it were illuminated ever so slightly, giving her an ethereal look._

_She was like an angel._

_I ran to kneel in front of her and grasped her hand, kissing the back of it as if I were her servant. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting."_

_She extracted her hand to cup my cheek, her touch sending electricity through my veins. "I've only waited forever for you, Edward. It's nothing." _

_My face grew warm, and I assumed I was blushing. That was, until I noticed the flames ripping up the side of my body. It was excruciating. A blood curdling scream erupted from my lips, and everything went black._

"Edward, dude, wake up!" someone was shouting. It felt like we were having an earthquake. That thought alone made me leap out of bed faster than was humanly possible, and I found Jazz standing by my bed. Terra ferma as still as stone.

"Wh-what's wrong?" I yawned, rubbing my eyes.

"You were screaming, man. I didn't know what was going on. What were you dreaming?" He looked scared.

I thought back to my sleep and remembered absolutely nothing. Dreamless. "I wasn't dreaming a thing, dude. You sure I was scre--"I cut myself off, putting my hand over my mouth, and ran for the bathroom, making it just barely before I began throwing up everything I'd eaten in my lifetime.

I heard footsteps entering and Jasper groaning in disgust. "You gonna be ok, man?"

I turned my face towards him, laying my cheek on the seat so that if I had to, all I'd need to do was aim down. "I'm throwing up and you ask if I'm going to be ok?"

His eyes widened in shock, and then sadness. "Sorry, dude, knee jerk question. You want me to call your boss?"

"Please..." I rasped out and resumed emptying my stomach as he turned to leave.

When I felt like I could leave the bathroom for a good length of time, I trudged back to my bedroom and got back in bed. A soft knock sounded on the door jamb.

"Yeah?" I whispered.

I heard Jazz pad softly over to my bed and felt the mattress compress under his weight. "Called your boss. He said to get well soon. Uhh, I have a few things for you…" he trailed off awkwardly.

I turned my head so I could look up at him. "Huh?"

"Glass of water, Advil, you know… the usual shit you take when you're sick." He placed them on my night stand and scratched the back of his neck.

"Thanks, dude. You don't have to stick around; I'll be passing out soon, anyway." I curled back into my pillow.

I heard him sigh with relief. "Alright." He placed my phone by my pillow. "Here, call if you need anything, ok? I'm serious."

"No problem." And I fell back into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up in complete darkness, my hair standing on end. A chill ran through my body as I shifted under the covers to sit up. Dizziness hit me in full force and I had to hold on to my nightstand for balance. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, drowned, and then run over by a steam roller. What was wrong with me?

All I could remember from the last twenty-four hours was...

Nothing.

_What the fuck? What day is it?_

I fumbled around, looking for my phone and found it under my pillow. Flipping it open, the date blared at me from the bright background.

It was Thursday.

What had happened to Wednesday? Had I worked?

I looked at the time, seeing it was five in the morning. I had three hours before class started, but I wasn't going to go back to sleep. Not like I could if I'd wanted to, the realization that I'd completely lost a day had shocked me into a complete state of wakefulness

Standing up slowly to test my shaky legs, I made my way over to the door and went out into the hallway. It was colder than an icebox in the apartment, and I immediately headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I needed to relax my tense muscles and wash the icky feeling I had away.

Once I was refreshed and new in clean clothes, I went out into the living room, grabbing a banana off the bar, and settled onto the couch with the Iliad. I figured I could catch up on some homework before school today, seeing as I'd planned on doing that yesterday.

What the fuck had happened? It was the most bizarre thing, I think, had ever happened to me. I'd never slept through an entire day before. But I couldn't find out until I had someone to ask, so I'd have to wait till Jazz woke up. He might know.

After about an hour, I began to hear noises coming from Jasper's room. A female, presumably Alice, giggling. Another minute passed before the door creaked open a foot to allow the pixie to slip through and shut it behind her. As a repeat of two days before, she scampered to the apartment door without even noticing my presence. It was just as well, I didnt want to have that awkward conversation anyway.

I went back to reading for a few more minutes before I couldnt take it any longer. I needed Jazz to wake up. Usually he was awake at the crack of dawn because of his military training; this behavior was strange for him.

I knocked on his door and waited.

Silence. _Fucker._

I knocked louder and heard a groan. "You're a bad actor, Jazz. I need to talk to you. get your ass out here, please. I need to know what's going on."

I heard a faint chuckle and footsteps heading towards the door, and it cracked open an inch to reveal a smirk on Jazz's face. I very nearly punched him in the face; I was not in the mood to be fucked with today.

"Finally decided to join the world of the living, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, about that… What the hell happened?" I asked.

He opened the door wider and waved me in to follow him. "What do you mean?" He looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.

"What do you mean, 'what do you mean?' Jazz, I don't remember the last twenty-four hours. What happened?" I sat on the corner of his bed and looked up at him.

"I don't fucking know, man. It was weird. You woke me up screaming and I ran in here to find you were dreaming. I woke you up and you couldn't remember the dream. You ran to the bathroom after that to puke out your guts and then went back to bed. You don't remember any of that?" He leaned against his dresser to look at me with deep concern.

"No, I don't know what happened." I put my head in my hands and sighed.

I felt the bed compress next to me, indicating that Jasper had joined me. "Well, maybe it was the flu? How do you feel now?"

I took a minute to assess my body. I felt normal, no more soreness or dizziness. "I feel fine."

"See? You're fine. Dude, you freak out over nothing." He stood to pull out some clothes.

"You're right." I got up and made my way out into the living room.

"You gonna ask Bella out today?" I heard him ask.

I thought for a minute, and then remembered. "Oh, yeah, that's right. Gryphon, right?"

"Yessir."

I flopped back down onto the couch to resume my reading, looking over my homework list. I wasn't too far behind, just the _Iliad_ to read, thank god.

Finally, it was time to leave for class, and I bid Jazz good bye.

"Get it, tiger!" he called, making a lewd gesture with his hips.

_How mature._

When I got to class, I saw Bella sitting next to my spot with a knowing look in her eye and a smirk on her face.

What the fuck would she be smirking about?

"Hey, you," she said with the most sexiest sound in her voice. Almost like a growl. It did interesting things to my nether region.

_Damnit._ _Focus, idiot!_

"Hey, yourself. How are you today?" I smiled, and I swear she gulped.

_Do I have that effect? _

"I'm fine, yourself?" She beamed back at me, confidence radiating off her in waves.

"I'm better, I had the flu yesterday, but I'm all healed. Hey, I had a question to ask you." I tried to match her confidence, but I wasn't sure. I hadn't done this in a while. Hell, I'd actually never done this.

_Pussy._

Maybe.

"Yeah?" The growl had returned, making my pants tighten.

_Shit!_

"Yeah, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me tonight." I waited, praying she'd say yes.

"Well, if I remember correctly, we were supposed to plan something today, anyway." She winked.

_Fuck, she's right._

I looked at her, trying to scrape what manliness I could. "Yeah, but I figured I'd refresh the topic."

She looked at me with laughter in her eyes. "Well, yes. I'd love to go to dinner."

**Five Years Later**

"_Well you've got me working so hard lately  
Working my hands until they bleed  
If I was twice the man I could be  
I'd still be half of what you need  
Still you lead me and I follow  
Anything you ask you know I'll do  
But this one act of consecration is what I ask of you"_

"_Ringfinger" - Nine Inch Nails_

"Edward, I fucking told you not to come in here when I'm working!" she screamed at me. I'd walked in on her during a video call on her computer. She was half naked.

I looked at her incredulously. "It's my fucking room, too, Bella. I forgot my badge to go to work so I can pay for your _fucking_ internet that you needed so much for _school_." I air quoted the last word. I was pissed and hurt.

We'd been together for five years since the day I asked her out. We were in love, perfect for each other. We moved in together in our own place a few months later, since Jazz and Alice had gotten their own first. Since then, things had begun getting weird. She asked me to take on more hours to help her pay for school, and that meant I had to quit school for myself.

I didn't care; I loved her. I wanted her happy. She was my world. I'd do anything for her, so I agreed and began working full time at Amazon. It was back breaking work, and most nights I'd come home too tired and sore to even cuddle with her.

She tried covering herself up, failing miserably. "Just get it and go, then."

I grabbed it off the dresser and slammed the door on my way out.

I knew this had been going on for ages now. But I couldn't bring myself to stop it. I didn't know why. I guess I just hoped I could bring her out of this spiral she was in. Ever since we'd moved in, I noticed she'd go out more without me, and come home late drunk, sometimes even high. Then she just stopped having sex with me.

Well not completely. There were the "mercy fucks" I'd get once in a while when I'd come home, broken from work. But that was it. She said I just wasn't big enough to fill her need, so, naturally, I let her find what she needed. Preferably, when I wasn't around.

But tonight I'd had a plan. I was going to ask her to marry me. Maybe then she'd see that she could have every happiness with me. She didn't need to treat herself like that. Maybe I wasn't big enough for her, but I could find other ways to fill that need. It had to work.

_It'll work,_ I tried to convince myself.

I sighed and went to work.

**Present Day**

I sat there against the wall, wishing I could just disappear. She'd refused me, yet again. Why she wouldn't marry me, I had no idea. She'd bled me of everything else. I worked my fingers to the bone for her to scrape what little money I could just so she could go to school and do everything else. I did nothing for myself. It was all for her.

It had to amount to something, didn't it?

I heard a door slam, but couldn't find the energy to move.

"E—Edward?" a female voice called.

"What, Bella?" I called through the sobs breaking from my chest. "Come to refuse me even more?"

Her footsteps grew louder as she drew near. "N—no, Edward, baby." Her voice took on that sultry tone again. I couldn't ever resist it. I felt her hands on my shoulders and felt the chill as they made their way up to cup my face and force me to look in her beautiful brown eyes.

"Baby, shh. Don't cry. Come back to the room, ok?" She grabbed my hand and pulled me up to her, leading the way back to the room. I noticed she'd only put a tissue thin sweater on that barely covered her naked ass. I figured her breasts could be seen through the thin fabric. Just that thought alone had me harder than concrete.

She looked back and noticed me ogling. "Maybe I'll let you fuck me later, baby."

That comment alone had me forget what I'd walked in on, even as we passed the guy in the hall. "That'd be so nice, baby." I let my hand wander up to graze her perfect cheek and she let out the softest moan. "I'll fuck you hard, baby."

She laughed as she opened the door. "I'm sure you'll try."

I ran into our room like a puppy waiting for its toy and started stripping. Once I was completely naked, I turned to look for her and found her standing in the doorway, looking bored. Sighing, she walked in and made her way to the bed and sat on the edge. "I guess I'd better assume the position."

She opened her mouth and motioned for me to get closer. "You want me to fuck your mouth, baby?" I caressed her cheek with my throbbing erection and ran my head around her beautiful red lips.

She looked me in the eyes and nodded. "Lick it then." And she did, fast, and gave it one complete suck to ensure complete coverage. "Mmm, baby, that felt nice."

She opened her mouth once more and I slid it in to full hilt, feeling her lips close around my shaft. "That's nice baby, you like that?" I asked as I started to pump her mouth. She shrugged.

"That's ok. I'll make you like it." I thrust hard once more and threw her back on the bed, spreading her legs as I did so.

"I doubt you will, Eddie." she purred, sounding almost asleep.

I shoved in, hard, groaning in pleasure. She wasn't tight like I'd liked her to be, but it was good enough.

It was as good as I'd be getting.

After a few pumps, she shifted on the bed and looked at me. "I'm gonna flip over." And she did, letting me raise her hips to meet my cock. I didn't refuse; this would get me off quicker, andshe knew that.

"Oh, baby, your ass is perfect," I said as I ran my hands over the two perfect round orbs of flesh and spread them wide, exposing that little hole. I leaned down and licked it, eliciting a soft moan that she tried to stifle. "That's ok, baby, let me hear it."

"No. Just fuck me, Edward."

I raised my cock to her semi-wet pussy and shoved it in. "Ohhh god, Bella, you feel so amazing." I licked a finger and rubbed it around her asshole before shoving it in, making her flinch slightly. "You like that, baby?"

"Not really."

I continued to fuck her as hard as I could, visualizing her standing in a beautiful white gown and looking into my eyes with nothing but love. With that in my mind, I came, hard. Pumping my last few drops inside her, I pulled out and rolled onto the bed next to her. "I love you, baby."

"Good." She rolled over and I pulled her on top of me to look into her face.

"Will you please marry me?"

"Edward, I'll never marry you. Get that through your head already, ok? You're not worth it. The sex is just, blah. The only thing you have going for you are your good looks. Just be happy I haven't dumped your ass, ok? I need you." She rolled off me and walked out of the room.

I sighed, and rolled over. She was right, she needed me.

"Besides," she called from the other room, "Who else would want a pathetic piece of shit like you, anyway?"

"_Maybe I'm all messed up  
Maybe I'm all messed up  
Maybe I'm all messed up in you  
Maybe I'm all messed up  
Maybe I'm all messed up  
Maybe I'm all messed up  
Maybe I'm all messed up in you  
Maybe I'm all messed up  
This is the only time I really feel alive  
This is the only time I really feel alive"_

"_The Only Time" - Nine Inch Nails_

* * *

**A/N: **

So that's my one-shot! I hope you enjoyed it, as I probably won't be doing another for a LONG while… They are stressful, esp. contests... and it saddens me greatly that I wasn't able to enter.

Thank you!


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